I like most days, it may seem odd to not like one or two days out of 365 or 366, it’s a bit like ostracizing a color, looking at turquoise and saying, “did you know, across the whole spectrum of possibilities, you just don’t cut it?” Every day is new, never been before, so what’s the story?
The Fragility of Grief
Years ago I had another son, one of two (and I have a dawta), he’s no longer here, he went into forever-ness and everyone who knew him was left wondering, feeling, grieving, going about our business with just a space where he might have been. So today is his birthday, usually on this landmark day I am a little cautious, feel the world slowly, ask everyone to be gentle on me, to take their super serious problems elsewhere, some days I just can’t do it; the people who message me or call to tell me their world is falling apart…. it’s usually that they don’t love themselves enough and identify with a bundle of thoughts that they think equals them, just a story, and I am always happy to oblige, as people we hold each other….but today it’s different, it’s Joshua’s birthday and the world is rubbing up against me, it feels like small bruises, the Tinman in the wizard of Oz had no heart….I am not him, I can feel something.
What has Meaning?
We go about our business, first world problems, often our concerns are just trivia, turning marbles into bowling balls and throwing them into other peoples lanes, knocking over their stuff.. when it would be much more sensible to be still for a while, patient, not so self-obsessed. This is the age of narcissism and distraction, deluded by sparkles and glitter, missing what’s really important…death is the great leveler, it’s in that moment, that gateway to other worlds that the nonsense falls away, when we are raw, that’s when we see what matters.
Meeting my Son After He Passed Over
I met my son after he passed over, I recorded an audio file about it, it took about fourteen years to say it but i finally did it last year. Listen if you dare, there s something extraordinary in there. This is what most people would refer to as Out of Body Experience (OOB), I have other definitions and descriptions of it, but at this moment I won’t go into it.
With Love Tilopa 2.0