Finding Peace with Unknowing

When I was a kid I remember my sister saying to me, “wanna play a card game?” I said, “yes, which one?”  She said, ” fifty two pickup”, then to my frustration she proceeded to throw the deck of cards in the air, they scattered across the floor accompanied by the sound of haunting thunderous older sibling laughter. Over the years I’ve felt that same sensation just after life’s milestones such as before or after moving house, the end of a relationship, leaving a job, death of a dear one or some type of trauma large or small or the sale of a previously loved ‘I will never leave you’ favourite guitar. These events that leave us a little unsettled remind me of fifty-two pickup, all the elements are there, they look familiar but there’s a feeling of chaos and a sense that someone or an invisible being has played a dirty trick or they weren’t straight with us.  Trying to grab all the cards or more specifically the pieces of our life and put them into a sensible workable order so we can function again seems to be the issue we are regularly faced with at the various milestones of our lives, that unknowingness at times has a haunting sadness about it.
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Cafe Culture
Cars go past the cafe, a lot of them seem ghostly, they’re almost empty apart from the occasional over animated driver speaking with his invisible friend or more than likely someone at the other end of a mobi-fone conversation; multi-tasking has become more common now, brain electrons zoom so fast. We’ve come a long way since the horse and cart, men on the Moon, flat earth concepts (chuckle), the hidden space programs no longer a conspiracy theory (I will leave that subject for others to debate, this subject is not in my portfolio and is too far removed from my Sunday coffee hit), tech companies can make a 3D printer that can print a building but ironically their ability to manufacture a normal printer that spits out a piece of paper with a bit of text print on it without any problems still seems to be a challenge and is a thorn in the side of many IT people and office admin.
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The Non Hangover
It’s Sunday, I am not a heavy drinker so I don’t experience hangover-regrets or that scary feeling of not knowing what really happened the night before, some days I do have that ‘what’s it all about, where’s it all going?’ feeling that often comes after the infamous big night out but it’s from being alive and not from substance abuse. There is an oddity for me with the questioning ‘what’s it and where’s it’,  I am very informed and have a big internal crystal ball that gives me a rather detailed view of what is unfolding on the world stage, not being able to see things that are more personal is annoying. I guess in all honesty those questions are more about a deep yearning for wanting to put my roots into the ground, define a new direction or better still wanting that sensation of falling or being in love. Falling or more correctly rising in love and wondering who that future being is, is what I think has often troubled me most, the element of surprise is too much and although one of the beauties of life is the unexpected mysteries that arrive on the doorstep, having our heart in order is for me a doorway to an abode of peace; the parting of a loved one always rocks the Universe and all the wisdom of Buddha and the inner Sage regarding detachment doesn’t count much for nothing in moments of loneliness when a kind word or a tender hand is probably all that is required, our inability to reach out for that is one of the great mysteries of life.
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Surfing the World Around Us
The wonderful thing about our existence is we have the ability to experience an over abundance of things that can create a distraction, if we are inventive as well as inquisitive, new vistas present themselves and for many of us if we can temporarily put our traumas and pains on hold we can preoccupy ourselves and glide over the ocean of sadness like a surfer slowly paddling across the water knowing there are sharks out there somewhere but understanding when we do the maths, our odds of surviving the day without being munched on are pretty high.  Some people take up art, a musical instrument or writing, as a writer I know it can be a little self indulgent and without an astute editor in our head we often need to be cautious we aren’t just feeding the fire of our problems and amplifying our pain, for me Quantum Physics or something a little more tasty gets the the electrons in my brain fired up.
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Food therapy can get expensive, fortunately I like good quality health food and there’s little chance of me ever being over weight or getting sick and I have a rather strict regime of not exercising, I’ve worked with the logic for years that if I exercise, a message will go from my brain to my body that says “I am unwell”, this allows me to maintain good health and saves a lot of time.  I know that approach sounds crazy but it works for me, to argue against it is futile and would only undermine it and I prefer the ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t touch it’.
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I can quite confidently say there is not one of us that haven’t felt lost, I guess there maybe some exceptions such as Ramana Maharishi, Shirdi Sai Baba or the Avatars Krishna, Rama, Matsya or the one currently hiding in centre Earth.  At times our boat floats in the ocean, gets swamped by waves and heads around directionless, the wisest of men and woman have experienced/suffered this, the not-as-wise-as will also have doses of it so there is no need to feel special if we suffer, it’s the normal.
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Healing by Looking at the Big Picture
If we look back in time and see all the civilisations that have come and gone, the human species and its variants have managed to maintain its presence on planet Earth, whether this has been due to interference and help from off Earth entities is not the point, life here has persisted and in this is where our hope lies. It may seem like I may be a pessimist when I say look at the lost civilisations which are buried in molten rock or under the ocean or the North or South Poles, I could also include the network of tunnels all across the Earth where the old communities hid from the elements and predators but in being able to see and accept the comings and goings of communities, a wisdom of the impermanence of the nature of things kicks in.  Many would know that this ‘impermanence’ is one of the core underlying ideas of Buddhism or any other half decent approach to  self transformation.  When we look at the bigger picture of the cycles of comings and goings we can see in the macrocosm that there are patterns that are reflected in our microcosmic world.  This careful observation is very useful for dealing with the unwanted and unexpected things that leave us feeling a little shaky, sad or at times even devastated.  By observing nature and here I mean the cycles of life, we can learn to see deeply and without having to put too much of an emphasis on an issue we will gradually accept the inevitability of change and allow what ‘needs to leave us’ go on its way. If we are constantly focused on one problem and forget all the wonders going on around us it can poison the garden of our lives, and that really is a tragedy.
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Change is constant and this is a good thing, we gather our wisdom from experiences and wander into foreverness.

Tilopa 2.0

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