Vulnerability is something the community doesn’t ‘do’ well. In a society where men are expected to be ‘tough’ sporty and youth are directed into that ‘model’ by those who have gone before or are still lurking in the background, or maybe strategically placed in the subconscious thought of the unsuspected voyager of life; the idea of feeling vulnerable, is perceived as a weakness. Cliches like ‘cracks in the armour’, hold yourself together, be strong are constantly pointing away from the virtues and glorious attributes of my friend ‘vulnerable’.
I do ‘vulnerable’ pretty well, like most things, i taught myself and didn’t know it had happened, and it is often not till i hit the depths of despair, that the wisdom of what is going on is extracted, which mind you happens about every second Friday but is usually not a problem.
We humans (and part aliens) 🙂 have a knack of ‘coming apart’, and coming apart is usually considered to be about the worst thing that can happen. But if we look carefully at things, we will see that every moment we are ‘coming apart’, it is just the order of the molecules being in a particular shape that troubles us. But look at it, a tree drops a seed or is kidnapped by the wind, breaks apart, a little bit of water adds to it; it grows into a sprouty thing, then gradually unfolds towards the stars and moves into its next phase as a new being, spits out a tasty fruit, grows a few prickles just to annoy humans, flaunts its beauty with flowers and moves ceremoniously in the breeze, it may even be broken apart with the help of another and in the hands of the finest craftsman become part of a beautiful instrument…. or be part of a bushfire and smoke itself into forever with its atoms unseen going on to new worlds……. coming apart has its advantages
So we humans as a rule struggle with apartness. I always like to come back to ‘nothing’, inside me is an unpainted canvas, a beautiful empty space awaiting experience, sounds, shapes, and unknown and familiar textures. When i come back to nothing … (and i don’t mean the ‘all i want is nothing, give me your credit card i want the lot’ of the rogue gurus and cults), it is ‘safe’; in that nothingness there is nowhere to go, nothing to do, only the beautiful silence of being, like sitting by the ocean and being oblivious to oneself, lost in the spaciousness of the water the sky and the horizon, no tomorrow, no past, no agenda, the NOW in its true sense before it became new age piffle.
Being vulnerable is quite ok, it’s just that we need to be a little patient and have the understanding that the tide comes in and out, there are storms and the seas rage, before you ‘no’ it the sun’s out, and a whole new world is there and life returns to the sea shore. And life is like that, people come and go, we love them, they pass us by one day as if we are strangers, and we do the same sometimes.
Freedom, absolute freedom is in letting go, letting go of what was never really ours to hold, and was just a gift to caress for a while. And in the understanding that when we look at the stars, we see and stand at different points, one person wishes, another one sees aliens, another sees a child coming, another sees a world being born, and another sees one passing away, a friend long gone, and another sees it as part of him or herself. But everyone sees the star, and in looking up and out into forever, it can be daunting, and the night passes and a new day is born, and we are sometimes left shaking, we awake to a new potential and our vulnerability passes by, knowing the dream goes on and not to tarry long.